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have a vision? state it.

here’s mine and i need to recite it now more than ever.

 

I am the person I have always wanted to be. I am in a loving relationship with my family. I understand where I come from and I know where I am going. I have openness for the world and its people and as a result, I have great reverence for life and am humbled by it. This life is mine and I control my destiny—I choose how to feel, how to do, how to move, how to smile and laugh, how to live, how to be. Everything I do is to bring myself closer to who I am meant to be. I am happy.

 

i think we’re in that scene of the movie…

the one you knew by joshua radin
i’m leaving but don’t worry i’ll be back again,

you’re always right here
and you’re grieving but don’t hurry to your pack of friends,
i’ll stay it’s clear,

the one you knew from your love
i grew into complete and whole
and the way i justify,
it’s my way to control love everlasting

i see your sweater,
rests upon your bed reminds me of home,
it can’t be any better than it is in my head
i’m blinded by our own

the one you knew from your love
i grew into complete and whole
and the way i justify
it’s my way to control

there’s only one way i know how to do this
stay here and help me live through this
and i’ll always be

the one you knew from your love
i grew into complete and whole
and the way i justify
it’s my way to control love everlasting

setting boundaries for introverts

so here’s the thing: i’m a natural introvert. my first reaction to conflict is to internalize and figure out how i will not allow this to bother me rather than communicate how the conflict can be avoided in the future. it is only after years of self-evaluation and effort that i am better able to tell a friend what i need in order to maintain a healthy relationship–a skill i have not fully perfected.

and because i am human and i’m not perfect, there are times when i will indulge myself in my natural tendencies and go inside myself when faced with trouble. often, this happens when my first attempts at communication has been met with resistance and anger. why bother again, right? it didn’t hit home the first time. the problem with this is that while it allows me to reflect back on the things i’ve done wrong and to accept that there are things i cannot control, boundaries are not being set, allowing for people to take advantage or disrespect my space and person.

by the time i realize that boundaries have been crossed, it is usually too late and the norm for the friendship has been defined. so what am i supposed to do? do i do a complete overhaul and set these much needed boundaries? do i just do away with the friendship altogether because moving forward without the promise of change is no longer an option? writer coral levang recommends the former and suggests that doing so means accepting responsibility for your feelings.

indeed, setting boundaries has less to do with controlling other people’s behaviors and more to do with accepting that you are responsible for how you allow people to behave towards you. granted, these boundaries are acceptable providing they are reasonable. for instance, it is completely within your right not to be called by an undesirable name or to expect a friend not to get too friendly with your significant other. however, it is equally unreasonable for you to expect others to change their plans for you simply because you are uncomfortable with the chosen group activities. in such instances, it is best to take yourself out of the equation and let others be. you have a right to yourself; you do not have a right to dictate the behaviors and actions of others.

establishing clearly defined boundaries is essential to any relationship, especially for introverts. because we live in a society that favors extroverts, our very nature can be seen as insecure or unsure. by being confident in your limits and comfort levels, you are letting people know that being an introvert is not a condition but a choice. you are making a choice to live your life in a way that is enjoyable to you without the fear of being thought strange or being pressured to do otherwise. besides, studies show that introverts are the majority. it’s an introverts’ world; extroverts just live in it.

bye bye facebook… or not really

Reynaldo: sorry I fell asleep last night. sorry i had you worried

Ibarra: aren’t you supposed to be working?

Reynaldo: multi tasking

Ibarra: …i don’t see the point of deleting your iphone facebook app if you’re on facebook on your computer

Reynaldo: i deleted it cause I’m on it at work, and then i get on it at home. I figure being on it at work is enough.

Ibarra: haha

Reynaldo: i guess the logical thing would be to get off of it at work and get on at home

Ibarra: …or being on it at home
haha
this sounds like a new blog post

 

 

i guess i was wrong

in 2005, when i decided to be an advertising major and minor in studio arts, regardless of what my parents would say, it happened. and guess what, they were ok with it.

in 2006, when i decided that i was going to make vast contributions to aaf at uh, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to get over my anxiety and visit my family in the philippines after 8 years, it happened. and i did it by myself.

when i decided that i was going to get an internship after three months of post-college sulking and brooding, within 2 weeks, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to get a job after my internship, two days before the end of my internship, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to make straight As in my first semester back to school (including anatomy and physiology), it happened.

when i decided that i was going to make an outstanding gpa this past year, 10 As and 1 B later, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to make it into TWU’s nursing program, as of last friday, it happened.

you get the point. when i set my mind on something, it just pretty much becomes a matter of “when” and not a matter of “if.” especially after my experiences with my awesome boss, i’ve come to realize that while there are still things beyond my circle of influence and control, i have more input into my own success than i originally thought. this is why, when i reluctantly entered into a relationship months ago, that i thought i was going to succeed.

“it’s going to be tough. it’s going to be difficult. i’m going to cry a lot but i’m going to persevere,” i thought.

what i failed to realize about relationships is that unlike my previous feats, a complete half of my success rested solely on the hands of another person. my best is only as good as his best. it doesn’t matter if i studied harder, pushed harder, worked harder. if he’s slacking, then i’m slacking. it’s a whole the-chain-is-only-as-strong-as-its-weakest-link thing.

(not to say that he’s a weak link. i’m not calling anyone out. for his part, i’m sure he believed that he tried.)

i was foolish to think it was going to happen though. how naive was i to think that i was just going to get in there and kick butt when half of the couples in the country can’t make it work? is this hubris? am i simply dragging around a dead thing behind me, blinded by my past successes?

so now i’m 6 months in, completely in love (foolishly) and thinking “i can still make this work.” as much as i want to believe that i can, not for the sake of it, but simply because i love him, there is very little in me that tells me it will work, much less thrive. we both have too many things going on right now and while i have confidence in my ability to balance it, albeit being totally emotional and girly at the same time, there’s no way for me to know that he can… or that he wants to.

what i do know is this: i start nursing school in the spring and i don’t care what they put in front of me, i’m kicking butt and rocking out for the next two years.