what’s my secret? i sleep with a night light

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.’ We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson,
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

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somewhere a bunch of gay men are having a collective orgasm

because lady gaga and beyoncé‘s second teaming came out… in the form of the video for telephone. in order to truly appreciate the video, you’d first have to sandwich it in between lady gaga’s paparazzi and queen b’s video phone featuring the lady gaga. it’s a good 25 minutes of fierceness and fabulosity.

paparazzi by lady gaga

telephone by lady gaga ft. beyoncé

video phone by beyoncé ft. lady gaga

the princess of power

gosh, i’ve felt so deflated lately. i’ve had a series of challenges come my way and i could not figure out how to overcome them. this time last year, i had more clarity and focus but i didn’t have as many challenges then as i do now. i just got my second wind and i’m feeling much better. so here i am again, ready to take on the world.

i am ibarra. fabulous secrets were revealed to me the day i held aloft my sword and said "for the honor of grayskull!" together, me and my friends of the great rebellion strive to free ourselves from the evil forces of nursing school! i. am. SHE-RA!!!

cleopatra, come at me.

Today is just not my day.

A little backstory:
I’m struggling this semester. Nursing school is a lot tougher than I could have ever expected and I’m finding myself considering having to give up my dreams of making As and instead settling for passing with grades higher than 72 (Bs would be nice too). Currently, I have pretty solid Bs in my Assessment and Pharmacology class but below 72 in both Concepts and Pathophysiology. I’m so embarrassed. Between that and trying to manage my financial stuff (thanks a lot, financial aid), I’m finding that it’s not so much that material that’s hard, but rather it’s the amount of time that I’m lacking to get it all learned that makes it hard.

Fast forward to today:
Thursdays are tough because I have 12-hour days at school. I have to get up early to take care of the dog, get dressed and make it in time for assessment lab which lasts from 9-1:30. If I was smart that week, I would have spent several hours finishing my assessment lab manual the weekend before and not the night before (doing it on Wednesday nights is not ideal because I have to wake up at 5 to do my hospital clinicals from 6:30-3). In this case, I did it the weekend before and even had time to scan my manual pages in and type my answers. So I had lab all morning and finished up around 1. Around 1:05, I either called or got a call from Thuy in the hallway after I left lab. Right before I got on the elevator, I hung up with her and went to the 3rd floor to go to our study room. As soon as Iris and I set our stuff down, we went to 2nd floor on to Student Life to get free food. I didn’t expect to leave with my hands full of cookies, glass of milk and corn chips. I opened the door with my foot and proceeded to go up the stairs again to the study room on the 3rd floor. Around 2:30, I realized that I didn’t have my phone. The only place I can think of is that I left it on one of the tables at Student Life while I was getting food. I spent the entire time looking for my phone until I had to go to Pathophysiology at 5. Between 5 and 9, I kept asking my friends to call my phone during our breaks. No answer but not going straight to voicemail so it’s still on. After class, I was dropping Iris off and her bag fell on the back panel switches for my back windows in the car and accidentally opened my back windows. On my way to my apartment after dropping her off, all I could think of was taking a hot shower and going straight to bed so that I can study all day tomorrow. Unfortunately, as I was turning the car off, I noticed that my left rear window is still down. I turned my car on again to get the window up but to no avail. It wouldn’t work. Neither of the front of back panel switches for it work. Of course, I can’t call anyone because, oh yeah, I lost my phone. After 10 minutes, Gibran came home and looked at it. He’s trying to fix it now but I’m worried that he won’t be able to. To sum it up, I’m stressed for the following reasons:

  • My academic standing in Patho and Concepts is shaky (which is relatively ok since a lot of people are struggling with nursing school too)
  • My financial status is a constant worry in my head
  • I’m constantly trying to have to fit in all my classes, labs, studying, homework, clinicals, and regular life stuff (like taking care of my dog and taking care of myself)
  • I lost my phone with no way of communicating with any of my classmates to get any information about school or any of my friends to get my mind off of school
  • And my car is a stupid son of a whore.

P.S. I don’t even have the energy to proofread this post because I’m so exhausted so forgive me if there are any errors.