not a destination

i just feel so lost lately. actually, i started to feel lost when i started nursing school. the past year and a half has been really tough on me. it’s been blow after blow to my self-esteem and i can’t figure out why it is that i can’t do as well as i know i can. what happened? i just got so good at faking being fine and then falling apart occasionally, picking up enough pieces just so i can manage to more forward. every little thing gets to me. i think back to when i quit my job, went back to school and moved out on my own. i was so much stronger, so much more courageous, so much more clear about my future. and now i’m just struggling with my life, my relationship with gibius, my family, his family, my friends, where i’m headed and always always struggling with where i’ve been. i hold everything in and it’s too much at times.

reading about a little bit about cat stevens and listening to this song has been inspirational. it at least gives me something to look forward to… a reflection of where i was headed before, where i want to be headed now.

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