cleopatra, come at me.

Today is just not my day.

A little backstory:
I’m struggling this semester. Nursing school is a lot tougher than I could have ever expected and I’m finding myself considering having to give up my dreams of making As and instead settling for passing with grades higher than 72 (Bs would be nice too). Currently, I have pretty solid Bs in my Assessment and Pharmacology class but below 72 in both Concepts and Pathophysiology. I’m so embarrassed. Between that and trying to manage my financial stuff (thanks a lot, financial aid), I’m finding that it’s not so much that material that’s hard, but rather it’s the amount of time that I’m lacking to get it all learned that makes it hard.

Fast forward to today:
Thursdays are tough because I have 12-hour days at school. I have to get up early to take care of the dog, get dressed and make it in time for assessment lab which lasts from 9-1:30. If I was smart that week, I would have spent several hours finishing my assessment lab manual the weekend before and not the night before (doing it on Wednesday nights is not ideal because I have to wake up at 5 to do my hospital clinicals from 6:30-3). In this case, I did it the weekend before and even had time to scan my manual pages in and type my answers. So I had lab all morning and finished up around 1. Around 1:05, I either called or got a call from Thuy in the hallway after I left lab. Right before I got on the elevator, I hung up with her and went to the 3rd floor to go to our study room. As soon as Iris and I set our stuff down, we went to 2nd floor on to Student Life to get free food. I didn’t expect to leave with my hands full of cookies, glass of milk and corn chips. I opened the door with my foot and proceeded to go up the stairs again to the study room on the 3rd floor. Around 2:30, I realized that I didn’t have my phone. The only place I can think of is that I left it on one of the tables at Student Life while I was getting food. I spent the entire time looking for my phone until I had to go to Pathophysiology at 5. Between 5 and 9, I kept asking my friends to call my phone during our breaks. No answer but not going straight to voicemail so it’s still on. After class, I was dropping Iris off and her bag fell on the back panel switches for my back windows in the car and accidentally opened my back windows. On my way to my apartment after dropping her off, all I could think of was taking a hot shower and going straight to bed so that I can study all day tomorrow. Unfortunately, as I was turning the car off, I noticed that my left rear window is still down. I turned my car on again to get the window up but to no avail. It wouldn’t work. Neither of the front of back panel switches for it work. Of course, I can’t call anyone because, oh yeah, I lost my phone. After 10 minutes, Gibran came home and looked at it. He’s trying to fix it now but I’m worried that he won’t be able to. To sum it up, I’m stressed for the following reasons:

  • My academic standing in Patho and Concepts is shaky (which is relatively ok since a lot of people are struggling with nursing school too)
  • My financial status is a constant worry in my head
  • I’m constantly trying to have to fit in all my classes, labs, studying, homework, clinicals, and regular life stuff (like taking care of my dog and taking care of myself)
  • I lost my phone with no way of communicating with any of my classmates to get any information about school or any of my friends to get my mind off of school
  • And my car is a stupid son of a whore.

P.S. I don’t even have the energy to proofread this post because I’m so exhausted so forgive me if there are any errors.

have a vision? state it.

here’s mine and i need to recite it now more than ever.

 

I am the person I have always wanted to be. I am in a loving relationship with my family. I understand where I come from and I know where I am going. I have openness for the world and its people and as a result, I have great reverence for life and am humbled by it. This life is mine and I control my destiny—I choose how to feel, how to do, how to move, how to smile and laugh, how to live, how to be. Everything I do is to bring myself closer to who I am meant to be. I am happy.

 

setting boundaries for introverts

so here’s the thing: i’m a natural introvert. my first reaction to conflict is to internalize and figure out how i will not allow this to bother me rather than communicate how the conflict can be avoided in the future. it is only after years of self-evaluation and effort that i am better able to tell a friend what i need in order to maintain a healthy relationship–a skill i have not fully perfected.

and because i am human and i’m not perfect, there are times when i will indulge myself in my natural tendencies and go inside myself when faced with trouble. often, this happens when my first attempts at communication has been met with resistance and anger. why bother again, right? it didn’t hit home the first time. the problem with this is that while it allows me to reflect back on the things i’ve done wrong and to accept that there are things i cannot control, boundaries are not being set, allowing for people to take advantage or disrespect my space and person.

by the time i realize that boundaries have been crossed, it is usually too late and the norm for the friendship has been defined. so what am i supposed to do? do i do a complete overhaul and set these much needed boundaries? do i just do away with the friendship altogether because moving forward without the promise of change is no longer an option? writer coral levang recommends the former and suggests that doing so means accepting responsibility for your feelings.

indeed, setting boundaries has less to do with controlling other people’s behaviors and more to do with accepting that you are responsible for how you allow people to behave towards you. granted, these boundaries are acceptable providing they are reasonable. for instance, it is completely within your right not to be called by an undesirable name or to expect a friend not to get too friendly with your significant other. however, it is equally unreasonable for you to expect others to change their plans for you simply because you are uncomfortable with the chosen group activities. in such instances, it is best to take yourself out of the equation and let others be. you have a right to yourself; you do not have a right to dictate the behaviors and actions of others.

establishing clearly defined boundaries is essential to any relationship, especially for introverts. because we live in a society that favors extroverts, our very nature can be seen as insecure or unsure. by being confident in your limits and comfort levels, you are letting people know that being an introvert is not a condition but a choice. you are making a choice to live your life in a way that is enjoyable to you without the fear of being thought strange or being pressured to do otherwise. besides, studies show that introverts are the majority. it’s an introverts’ world; extroverts just live in it.

bye bye facebook… or not really

Reynaldo: sorry I fell asleep last night. sorry i had you worried

Ibarra: aren’t you supposed to be working?

Reynaldo: multi tasking

Ibarra: …i don’t see the point of deleting your iphone facebook app if you’re on facebook on your computer

Reynaldo: i deleted it cause I’m on it at work, and then i get on it at home. I figure being on it at work is enough.

Ibarra: haha

Reynaldo: i guess the logical thing would be to get off of it at work and get on at home

Ibarra: …or being on it at home
haha
this sounds like a new blog post

 

 

halloween candy

me: should we start thinking about halloween costumes?

david: kroger already has halloween candy

me: but it’s only july

david: the one near my house has… but halloween is christmas part 1

me: i thought that was thanksgiving

david: no that’s christmas part 2

me: what’s christmas? new year’s part 1?

david: no christmas is christmas. what’s wrong with you?

 

four short days in the emerald city

in new york for the week. my mother and i are staying at the milford plaza in times square:

so far, we’ve gone to statue of liberty, ellis island, topshop, necessary and h&m… tomorrow, central park, central park zoo and a cirque du soleil’s kooza in the evening. wicked on friday. holla!

what every girl wants you to tell her

so i don’t check my myspace very often. i only use it to troll around for new music. every once in a while, some random stranger will send me a message and since the e-mail notifications don’t tell you the content of the message, unlike those of facebook, i actually have to log into the site to read what the message says. anyway, apparently, i received a message 5 days ago from some guy i had a class with last semester and it went a little something like this:

Do you have any class at Westloop today? I saw someone look like you there. Is that you? If it is you then you look a little bit fatter than I remember. 

 

im a big fat dynamo!

i'm a big fat dynamo!

the guy is this quiet asian kid who was in my study group of 7-8 people that hardly said a word to anyone during the course of the semester. there was no instance in our interaction that would make it seem acceptable for him to say this to me. i guess exceptions must be made for foreigners because he probably doesn’t understand. i’m not upset with him; it’s just not every day someone says that to me, even in a joking manner.

and i was just thinking today about how not only do i fit into my jeans that i hadn’t worn in two years, but that they’re actually loose on me on account of the 10 pounds i lost. this is just what i needed before sunday =)

seriously though, it made me chuckle.

kangaroo for dinner, hold the vegemite.

garrett (after i ordered a kangaroo burger at ziggy’s): i don’t get kangaroos. i think they should be called kickaroos. they don’t kang you.

me: do they kick you?

garrett: well they freak me out. i don’t understand how an animal has a pocket in there and keeps its young and then kicks you.

me: i don’t know… how do they find it?

garrett: they probably have a gps system. “destination, pocket lane, melbourne, australia

me: they have an iphone. “to: pocket; from: vagina.”

15 minutes later

baby kangaroo and dog

baby kangaroo and dog

server (giving me my kangaroo burger): who had the joey?

me and garrett: huh?

server: the joey. it’s the name of a baby kangaroo.

me: … is it really made of a joey?

server: well that’s just what they call a baby kangaroo

me: yeah but is the burger really made of a joey?

server: no

me: oh my gosh! that’s horrible. you’re a bad, bad man!

30 seconds later

welcome to the down under, bia

welcome to the land down under, bia

me (about to eat a kangaroo burger at ziggy’s): oh is this one of those things that the bible said we can’t eat?

garrett: what?

me: y’know.. we can’t eat animals that eat other animals… and they have to be hoofed.

garrett: what do their feet look like? i really don’t know. do they wear jordans?

me: you mean they don’t wear pumas?

garrett: no because that’s another animal. they wear jordans.

me: i think they wear roos.

It's a Joeyburger!

It's a Joeyburger!

find out what else they have there and have your own hilarious conversations by  going to the ziggy’s healthy grill website

the customer is not always right

I made a quick stop at Walgreens today to pick up some creamer for Haley before going over to her place to pick up the key to her apartment. Actually, the trip to Haley’s was on my way to school so I actually stopped by Walgreens so that I can stop by Haley’s on my way to my Anatomy and Physiology class over at the Southeast campus of HCC (ugh). As you can imagine, I was in somewhat of a hurry so I was glad to see that there were two cashiers open: one with 2 guys who both had carts and another with 2 women who both had a few random items. Golly gee, the obvious choice would be, of course, to get in line with the women right? NO! For the second time in two days at that Walgreens, I was held up by people ahead of me trying to cash in on some sort of coupon. I didn’t really mind because I’d alloted enough time for me to do everything I need and get to class in time.

Rude Customer Rings BellWhat I did mind was the way the first lady customer was treating the cashier. It was obvious that the cashier, a nice Indian lady, was having some issues with the register. As someone who’s had a number of part-time jobs working in customer service, believe me when I say that those systems can get complicated and having an impatient or rude customer prodding you while you figure it out can be frustrating. Have you ever worked the cash wrap at Abercrombie with a million teenage girls and their mothers in line yapping at you about price tags, returns and receipts… during the Christmas season? Let me tell you, it’s no pic-nic. So immediately, this poor Walgreens clerk had my sympathy. And it wasn’t like the customer was just being impatient, she was flat out telling her how to do her job! “Enter 33 cents and scan it, enter 33 cents again and scan it and enter 33 cents again and scan that.” YES! All of this just so she can get 3 packs of gum for 99 cents! When I realized this, I suddenly felt horrible that I’m just standing there watching all of this happen but I knew that if I reacted, my good mood streak would just be ruined. 

So I decided to wait it out and figured that it’s only a few minutes out of everyone’s day and it would all be over soon. Indeed, it all got figured out and the lady went on her way. The Walgreens clerk shot an uncomfortable smile to her co-worker on the other register. Next was the Asian lady in front of me… and wouldn’t you know it, she was rude to this lady too! Now, I don’t know what it is but I just get really bothered and embarrassed when I see another Asian person acting a fool in public places. I mean, it’s not like I’m related to them. This ho does not come to Friday night dinners at my house. I don’t call her Ate. And I certainly do not care that the pack of cigarettes she’s purchasing might very well kill her. She wasn’t even Filipino! So even though my initial thoughts were “Oh heck no!” I had to suppress that and instead, I decided to be extra nice to her when it was my turn. Who am I to be judging the two ladies in front of me for their actions? For all I know, both of them could be having the worst days of their lives.

Spread a Little LoveSo when I walked up to this nice Indian lady, I made a point to ask her how she was doing and give her a genuine smile so she’d know that the rest of her day can get better. It was a nice awkward moment we shared since in my effort to make her feel comfortable, I completely forgot that it was her job to ask me how I was doing. We ended up asking and answering each other at the same time, which I thought to be funny. Our 30-50 second encounter made a big difference in her expression and I saw the stress and panic disappear even if for a moment. I hope the rest of her day was ok because she definitely made my day.