dear diary…

april has been a trying month, to say the least.

on a whim, i began to go through some of the folders on my computer and stumbled upon one called “spiritual diary.” three years ago, i kept a diary to chronicle my road of spirituality. most of them are deeply personal but in anticipation of my fast this coming friday, i will share one of the less personal ones on here:

October 9, 2006

I’ve falsified to say that I’ve found God.
Several years ago, that’s how I used to sing that line in one of Jason Mraz’s songs.
For several months now, I’ve listened to almost nothing but Christian music and I do quite regret not being able to see Chris Tomlin last night at CityFest. However, today, as a change of pace, I listened to some of my old music. It might have been an effort in re-living some of the more familiar moments in my life. Things were not less hectic, but at least then I had gotten a grip on how to manage.
I popped in an unmarked cd on the drive home and it was a mix of Jason Mraz and Matt Wertz. Now, I like Matt Wertz but between the two, my heart will always belong to Jason Mraz. His style is much more experimental, his music much more innovative and lyrics incredibly more thought-provoking. It’s the writer in me that draws me to him. Jason Mraz is a wordsmith and a way with words is a quick way to my heart.
So often, I write about my struggles with my faith which is unfortunate because one of the functions of this diary is to recount every step in my journey—the hardships as well as the times of clarities. To depict only one side would be unfair and unbalanced, which certainly will not do. After all, I’m a Libra. I want to read this years from now and have a complete picture of my experiences.
On Love, In Sadness” speaks to me in so many ways, especially with what I’ve learned these past few months and what I’m trying to learn now. The measure of love isn’t loss, love will never be lost on me.
Anyway, that is not how the song goes, y’know.
It’s not falsified to say that I’ve found God.