i guess i was wrong

in 2005, when i decided to be an advertising major and minor in studio arts, regardless of what my parents would say, it happened. and guess what, they were ok with it.

in 2006, when i decided that i was going to make vast contributions to aaf at uh, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to get over my anxiety and visit my family in the philippines after 8 years, it happened. and i did it by myself.

when i decided that i was going to get an internship after three months of post-college sulking and brooding, within 2 weeks, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to get a job after my internship, two days before the end of my internship, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to make straight As in my first semester back to school (including anatomy and physiology), it happened.

when i decided that i was going to make an outstanding gpa this past year, 10 As and 1 B later, it happened.

when i decided that i was going to make it into TWU’s nursing program, as of last friday, it happened.

you get the point. when i set my mind on something, it just pretty much becomes a matter of “when” and not a matter of “if.” especially after my experiences with my awesome boss, i’ve come to realize that while there are still things beyond my circle of influence and control, i have more input into my own success than i originally thought. this is why, when i reluctantly entered into a relationship months ago, that i thought i was going to succeed.

“it’s going to be tough. it’s going to be difficult. i’m going to cry a lot but i’m going to persevere,” i thought.

what i failed to realize about relationships is that unlike my previous feats, a complete half of my success rested solely on the hands of another person. my best is only as good as his best. it doesn’t matter if i studied harder, pushed harder, worked harder. if he’s slacking, then i’m slacking. it’s a whole the-chain-is-only-as-strong-as-its-weakest-link thing.

(not to say that he’s a weak link. i’m not calling anyone out. for his part, i’m sure he believed that he tried.)

i was foolish to think it was going to happen though. how naive was i to think that i was just going to get in there and kick butt when half of the couples in the country can’t make it work? is this hubris? am i simply dragging around a dead thing behind me, blinded by my past successes?

so now i’m 6 months in, completely in love (foolishly) and thinking “i can still make this work.” as much as i want to believe that i can, not for the sake of it, but simply because i love him, there is very little in me that tells me it will work, much less thrive. we both have too many things going on right now and while i have confidence in my ability to balance it, albeit being totally emotional and girly at the same time, there’s no way for me to know that he can… or that he wants to.

what i do know is this: i start nursing school in the spring and i don’t care what they put in front of me, i’m kicking butt and rocking out for the next two years.

 

On My First Blog Post

Four years, eleven months and 10 days ago, I entered the shiny new world of blogging when one of my closest friends, Trang, talked me into opening a Xanga account. For nearly 2 years, I kept up with it and using it as a way to communicate with many of my friends who also had their own Xanga accounts. It wasn’t too long after when a college-based social networking site was released and just like that, my friends and I re-located from Xangaverse and became one of the first groups of people to become Facebook addicts. Facebook is still my preferred choice for networking (I check my Facebook as much as I check my e-mail and my Entourage is never closed) but I’ve since expanded into Myspace and Twitter.

Thanks to my six-month stint at Schipul, I grew to have an appreciation for what I learned was called “social media.” Don’t get me wrong—I personally believe that “social media” is just advertising and marketing jargon for what us regular folks call the “Internet.” Still, there’s a level of sophistication that I acquired when it comes to blogging and networking online that I never would have learned had I not joined the Schipul team. Granted, 98% of the time, I disregard this knowledge and blatantly go against etiquette because I’m not online to promote anything—I’m just here to hang out and have fun.

As I write more on this blog, it will become more evident that I have a tendency to overlook what I deem superfluous rules for the sake of genuine communication. In fact, I’m killing myself using proper capitalization over this blog post since I prefer to use lower case letters for any writing that isn’t going to be submitted for anyone’s approval. I just figured my first post should be a proper one. I am, however, a stickler for grammar and will try to stick to common grammar rules without having to pull out my English notes from primary school.

I find it difficult to decide whether my blog should have a primary focus or should I just use this as a replacement for my Facebook notes. My posts on there are quite erratic and are generally more for my own entertainment purposes than anyone else. The same will probably happen here. I’m calling it.

In any event, I just wanted to say hello to the blogosphere and let you know that you’ll be hearing a lot from me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…even if you don’t want to.